– Dobryi den, may neym Ivan.
Ce ye sentral nash maydan.
Vin ye symvol indepedens,
zis is b’yutiful fontan.
Proshu vzyaty dolar van,
kynut' daun v cey fontan,
a potim pidem evribadi
v Haydamac'kyi restoran.

Tut v nas kompleksnyi obid,
budem diner chev tu it.
Pane kuchar! Visim porciy,
plyus dva shofery ta gid.
Na obid bude banan
end vareniks in smetan.
A chto choche, moze vzyaty
rashn vodka in stakan.

Chto nayivsya, proshu, pliz,
vsi za mnoyu hou vnyz.
Zaraz yidem in avtobus
tu Andriyivs'kyi uzviz.
Os' na noho harnyi vyd.
Luk et vindou, mister Pit!
Cey uzviz – iz not kanava,
ce taka horbata strit.

Tut v kiosku – Kayzer-bir,
a navproty – monastyr.
A ce vam Yelcyn layk matr'oshka
end enazer suvenir.
Tut – medali, ordeny,
shmat Berlins'koyi stiny...
A ce – Chrushchova okulyary
i Andropova shtany.

Chto kupyv – skladayte v keys
i davayte tuhezer na sviy pleys.
A chto choche, ya na Kodak
mozu znyaty mordofeys.
Vsi za mnoyu, vsi komon –
nasha podoroz: hou on.
Zaraz yidem dehusteyshn
burakovyi samohon.

Druzno meykinh po kovtku
c'oho drinku z buryaku.
Pliz cybulya, shchob zanyuchat'
i po skybci chasnyku...
Bachu, mis, vam ne pishlo –
na Blyu-voter potyahlo.
Ce vono tak maye buty –
pershyi raz daye v cholo.

A ce ye Pechers'kyi Lavr.
Tut sam Nestor pracyuvavr.
Vin buv teribl rozumnyi,
yak v Oksfordi bakalavr.
Nestor buv normalnyi frend,
dobre druziv anderstend.
Chto z portretom choche vypyt' –
po try baksy meni v chend.

Darlin vumen, darlin men!
Darlin lediz-dzentelmen!
Van-tu-sri, blin... fayv, siks, seven...
A de lysyi? Eyt, nayn ten...
Ya vze z vamy p’yat' hodyn,
holova prypuchla, blin.
Ves' avtobus meyk ryheyshn
i shofer bude yoho klin...

Zaraz yidem u hotel –
i shchob vsi spaly veri vel.
I shchob niyakych voki-toki,
bo vam Kyyiv – ne bordel.
A zranku vsi v aeroport –
i na fih z plyazu v sviy Oksford.
I velkam do Ukrayiny,
i hud-bay, i chay vam chort!